Caring for an older loved one can be a challenge, even more so if the family member is resistant to care. In dealing with this type of situation, it is important to understand the source of the resistance and how to encourage cooperation.

A family member who resists care, whether it is direct help by a loved one or professional care, is likely experiencing unhappiness due to loss of independence. Needing to be cared for involves a disruption of routine and loss of privacy, which can be disconcerting. An older family member may be feeling frightened of aging or feel guilty about being a burden on other family members. All of these factors can combine to cause a response that is understandable even if it is not very rational: resisting needed care.

An important part of dealing with resistance to care is knowing when and how to have the necessary conversations with your loved one. You should bring the subject up at a relaxed time when you will be able to take time to listen to each other. Be sure to ask questions about your family member’s needs and preferences. Even someone with Alzheimer’s or other dementia can express preferences. If your loved one is resistant to even talking about the care situation, try letting the matter rest for a while and bringing it up again later.

One effective strategy for encouraging cooperation is to suggest that a new type of care be introduced on a trial basis. Whether the change involves bringing in a home health aide or leaving home, much of the resistance may come simply from fear of the unknown. Once your loved one actually experiences the benefits of care, there may be less trouble accepting it. In the case of a home health aide, it can be useful to point out that this can help prolong independence.

Depending on the situation, it also may be helpful to have a professional such as a doctor, attorney or care professional explain the need for care and the benefits of a certain arrangement. Due to family dynamics, an older parent may be more likely to take the advice of a trusted adviser.

Resistance to care can be an enormous challenge. Communicating effectively with your family member can make all the difference.
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The American College of Emergency Physicians (ACEP) has released tips for the adult children of elderly parents who find themselves facing a medical crisis. The emergency room can be a daunting experience. These tips may make the experience slightly less stressful.

When possible, the caregiver or accompanying adult should bring to the emergency room a completed Medical History Form. The form should list any allergies, the medications the elderly person is taking, and both past and current medical conditions. This form should be given to the intake attendant.

In addition to the Medical History Form, have on hand a list of the medical health professionals the elderly patient sees, such as cardiologist, oncologist, etc. Have their names and contact information written down, as well as the reasons for their care and how long the elder has been under their care. Also include any information about recent surgeries, such as pace makers or hip replacements, and include complete insurance and identifying information.

The emergency physicians also suggest that any caregiver or attending adult bring a change of clothing and personal items, and should expect that the elderly individual will be admitted for overnight or extended care. While this may not happen, arriving prepared will save time and effort later. The items can always be left in the car “just in case.” Also, caregivers may wish to bring reading material to pass the time while the patient is waiting to be seen or for test results. Elderly patients make take longer than expected to have a complete workup, especially if they have multiple issues or complaints which must be investigated.

The ACEP also suggests that the caregiver clarify to the attending physician if the patient’s state of mind is altered or if he or she is confused. If the caregiver is given information and instructions, he or she should share that information with the patient; work to keep them informed and allow them to make their own medical care choices.

Many elderly patients downplay their symptoms when in the ER, doctors report. Be prepared and willing to clarify with additional information, if needed.

And long before that trip to the ER is a possibility, they say, consider discussing with the elderly parent about the possibility of their drafting a living will. When in the midst of tough decision-making such as when the condition is a life-threatening one, it can make a significant difference in how family members approach some choices that must be made.

For more information, visit www.elderlawnewyork.com.